Land of the free

I apologize that it's taking me forever to catch up on more than half a year of lost photos and updates. Still struggling to get atop that imaginary mountain most people would like to call self-love as I seem to be so hard on myself these days. Really, I could go on and give you a thousand more reasons for my absence but that wouldn't really help now, would it?


Taken during our fourth of July vacation in Canandaigua, New York last year

Stuck in reverse

Sometimes it's just really hard to follow your own advice.

Half a year ago, in between packing, planning, and kissing my cousins goodbye, I devoted my down time scouring the Internet for writing- or publishing-related job openings that I slightly lost track of my remaining days in the US. I traded playtime with browsing Jobstreet and company websites, when I should have prioritized my limited moments with relatives. Eventually my worry for my future turned out to be uncalled for, as I right away snagged a position that suited me.

Fast forward to today, I keep going back to the past year though I pledged to stick with the present. 2013 started out grand but the glory days immediately crippled—I got no choice other than to cling on to what's familiar. It's easier to navigate through memories than to venture into the Great Unknown. It's nothing to be proud of, being scared of trying due to the high risk of failing. However, I'm on that road to recovery; I'm working my way through it. Slow and steady, I'll get to where I'm supposed to be. My heart is filled with so much anticipation despite my guarding every part of it.

I'm once again set to try what's left of my luck in a couple of days. In the meantime, here are the remaining California photos that have been sitting inside my folders, untouched, for too long now. Going through them made me miss my relatives and my American adventure even more. Praying for a repeat!

Golden as we'll ever be

The next day we woke up a little before noon and were surprised to be greeted by glorious sunshine. Sure, pavements still had puddles on them, glass windows were covered by rain droplets, and people carried their umbrellas the way they do handbags—but the morning drizzle had stopped thus sparing us from having a groggy time. I was more than thankful for that. If the lovely weather was any indication of how great the rest of our day would pan out, then I was looking forward to it. Already a step ahead, I had finished packing before I went to bed the night before and got ready as fast as I could the morning of.

Cheerful company, chilly after-hours

That night in San Francisco is mostly a blur now.


Making my way to the Irish pub at the corner of the street, I skipped from one sidewalk to another, trying my best to dodge puddles on the floor and cars passing by. I immediately found our table and gave everyone hugs, besos, and handshakes accordingly. It was nice to see familiar faces again; the last I've seen most of them was the day we threw our "fake" diplomas in the air during graduation last year. After a round or two of drinks and answering questions ranging from the how are yous to what are you doing heres to where are you headed tos, we left the bar, crammed ourselves inside the car, and drove across town in search for a place to eat.

Always my Mama's girl

It's quite unfortunate that I've been stuck in this writing rut for a while now. Bouts of negativity have been piling in front of me these past months and it's frustrating to not be able to rely on words to make it all better. Where writing fails, however, music and my mom (most especially) saves the day, as always.

As much as I hate to admit it, even at the "adult" age of twenty-one, when my life gets sidetracked, I am easily comforted by Mama's voice on the phone, calling me from over six hundred kilometers away. Just her calm tone of telling me that "It will be okay" assures me that it already has. That, with our usual round of videoke sessions whenever I'm at home and insane episodes of crying out to tunes like Since You've Been Gone in the middle of the night while my twin sister giggles in the background.

On a serious note: Mom, thank you for putting up with all my drama; there had been lots in the past year alone. Thank you for being you, for taking care of us five in the way you think is best for us. I may question your parenting style most of the time, but I have always appreciated that you stuck by us in spite of everything.