Brave new world

Lately I have been bothered by my abundance of free time.

It's weird, really. People here and there have been jealous of how I could watch all the TV series and read all the books I want (and get more than enough sleep in a day!), while I, on the other hand, hate it. It makes me feel useless.

I don't know, I keep wanting to be productive and stay focused on schoolwork but my academic requirements (or lack, thereof) and many (impossible!) interests would beg to disagree. Perhaps I'm just not used to the idea of "not doing anything."

Less than a month from now will be our finals week and the days that will follow would be dedicated to getting our clearances signed and other graduation-related activities. Our days are numbered, so to speak.

I just found it unfair that for most of my last semester in college I'm just here in my room, checking Facebook and Twitter every ten minutes for updates from my friends about their adventures, when there is a world out there waiting for me to discover it for myself.

Don't get me wrong, I love the long breaks! I get to do the things I want, yes. I just think it's too much. And the fact that my professors this semester don't ask their classes to do a lot of work or that I don't have an organization in which I am active in doesn't really help. (And those free cuts make me feel like my scholarship is being wasted!)

I guess all this free time allows me to think more deeply, to look into things differently. And I hate it—or I'm just not used to it. I'm happy to be where I was a few semesters back, perennially occupied with deadlines, and not having to think about things like this. It was comfortable that way.

But maybe this is the transition, the opened door to the new life ahead. It's uneasy, I realized. But sooner or later I just have to face it. I have to have the guts to.

And as for my free time, I really wish someone would whack me in the head and remind me to make the most of it. I shouldn't put the remaining days to waste.

#firstworldproblems